The wonderful world of phil

A dead hard drive
I haven't posted in a long time once more, seems unlikely I'll post for a while after that, but I guess that is how things are. It's not likely anyone really reads this anymore. Anyhow, my laptop's hard drive died over the weekend, and I feel compelled to write about it... not so much about it, but what it means, and how it makes you think. Before blaming me, I know I should have backed up my data better, and more frequently, and I am getting better not TOO much of important stuff was lost, but just enough.

When my drive died without warning, my first thoughts were about my paper that I had on there. The paper for FCCM is extremely important to me. I can't express enough how important it is. The good thing was that on Friday (the day before the drive died) I had submitted the final draft of the paper into the conference. Of course I'll be in trouble when it's time to write my thesis as I don't have all of the original LaTeX source, but I'll manage, I think I have enough of it laying around, that I'll get by. Granted I'll have to remake some of the figures and graphs (some I have from another paper I have backed up), but that's something I can live with. I got myself to accept the loss, and see it as not too too horrible, just bad.

Today however I started thinking over what else was on the drive. How much of the past year of my life am I losing? Sure, my most important works are fine, but what of my memories? The obvious thoughts are aim logs. I'll miss those, but in all honesty, how often do I ever look at logs that are more than a week old? Of course I'll occasionally read back logs of important people in my life, remembering back on days long past, but do I really need that? I also lost some saved email from a year ago.... Again, I can live with that, it sucks, but sometimes I feel like a packrat keeping all this crap around for years.

Then there are other files. I don't have any real pictures documenting the time since I got this laptop. Music isn't a problem, as that all exists on other machines, and sure, I lost some of my school work from the last year. So, what really is the problem with losing it? and I realized that there are other files I've made over the year. Often simple notes to myself. Normally stupid little things I wrote, plays on song wordings I did a couple times. Then, there are a couple files on there that I'm deeply saddened to lose. Text files I wrote, often late at night. Nights where you're thinking about your life and just have to write. And topics that you feel are too sensitive to post for the world. Those are things I'll miss. Sure, it isn't much, but it's enough to sadden me. Things I've written that I'll never be able to read again. Of course, that all supposes I'd want to read it again, but of course, i know some day years from now I'd have started looking over old files and reading through them laughing over what I had said. Worries of the time that just don't really matter. I'll miss having that.

Of course this isn't the full on disaster I was afraid of, but it still makes one think. How much of my life is now missing? Will I remember those things? Mostly the rants that weren't saved on my file server. I guess when you come down to it, those become you, or you become them. Not really sure, but I figured I'd let out some comments on what it means to lose your data. It's happened before as well, but on the other hand i guess it allows me to start out fresh again. A clean slate so to say....

Phil

life and things
Well, an update on recent events says one thing Grad school. Grad school over and over, and all there is to it. It's been fun, don't get me wrong, but tiring. The good news is that I just found out that I passed my qualifier exams. Thank god, those tests really sucked, and I didn't want to have to retake them. Good to know that I officially have advanced grad status.

As for the semester, it's been busy. The last couple weeks I've been in lab probably 50 hours every week. The amusing part is that despite taking 2 classes, In the past 3 weeks I can't think of a single moment when i was working on class work... Technically the simulator I'm making for my research is related to a course project, but I've basically ignored my classes. I'm going to be in hell in a few weeks making up for that. What it comes down to is the fact that my research is far more important than any coursework I may have. I'm shooting for a January 12th deadline, and have a lot, and I mean a lot of work to do before then. Will likely keep me doing these long days in lab. I'm hoping to have a lot of it done before I leave for christmas break, could be a challenge. I'm also hoping the simulator is done with a very early beta version by the first. Things are really moving along with it. I'm hoping to get this out there, then go forth from there. Hopefully find a summer internship too.

Anyhow, I need to sleepl.

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: Paul Westerberg - Angels Walk

2006 is a great year for music
Sure, we're only 5/6ths of the way through the year, but I must say, I have been quite pleased with the music that has been released this year. Most years I think I'm diong good to buy 5 or 6 new cds (that were released during the year), but this year i've already hit 10! I buy a lot more older cds, many from the mid 90s to mid '00s, but those can't really count for this statistic. What matters this year is how many established artists, who I've been listening to for years have released new albums, and not just new albums, but some of the best works of their careers.

A listing of the albums I've bought, loosely in order of my favorites:
Soul Asylum - The Silver Lining
The Honeydogs - Amygdala
The Golden Smog - Another Fine Day
The Drams - Jubilee Dive
Paul Westerberg - Open Season
Tim O'reagan - Self Titled
The Replacements - Don't You Know who I think I was
Tom Petty - Highway Companion
The Bottle Rockets - Zoysia
Rhett Miller - The Believer

I won't really try to justify this ordering, as I can't. My favorites change all the time, they're just really good. I will say that I listen to the new bottle rockets and rhett's album the least of the lot, but I think it's because I've overlooked them. A couple weeks ago I was pulling out Rhett's album again and it really is awesome.

The most historical of these albums has to goto the 'mats, as paul, chris and tommy reunited for 2 new songs. Just pure joy to hear those. Then paul released a solo album as well, and it's been great.

The album I was looking forward to, but didn't expect at the top belongs to the honeydogs. Amygdala has truely impressed me. I think it's my favorite of their works, and that is saying quite a lot. The more I hear it the more it grows on me. Just really catchy tunes, and a lot of fun to play. Adam Levy has a way with lyrics, it's funny because reading them they're hard to make sense of, but when sang they sound completely natural. I can't say enough good stuff about the cd, only had it 3 days and can't stop listening to it.

Actually, in truth that has been my opinion of all these cds after they came out with the exception of the bottle rockets, rhett miller's cd, and the 'mats cd. I think I just got those at bad times. The 'mats one I just k now the 'mats so well, and you can only listen to the 2 new songs so many times before you've had enough.

The drams, who are essentially the new slobberbone put out an incredible CD. The album runs almost 75 minutes and there's not a bad track in the lot. It's different than anything the bone ever would have released, but it's incredible. Best at his best (sorry for the pun).

Another unexpectedly great album is tim o'reagans solo album. As he was the jayhawks drummer, I knew he was talented, but did he have what it takes to release his own solo album? The answer is an emphatic YES! I've listened to the album many times, and seen him play at the high noon twice this year. Great band he brough with him as well.

Tom Petty's new album is as expected. It's full of wonderful songs, and great to hear. Not sure if i'd rank it above the last DJ or not, but there really isn't a bad song in the lot. Just a fun album to listen to.

And of course to review these albums, I can't leave out the 2 most important, the smog and Soul Asylum's new album. The Silver Lining beat expectations for me, they did the songs justice for a change, but it was missing many of my favorite songs (such as freak accident). The silver lining is just that too, it's sad hearing it, knowing it's Karl's last work. I also hear it and think they need a remix of Slowly Rising with Karl's bass turned up to 11. That song just kicks so much ass in it's live form, that the album doesn't give it justice. As for the new smog album, that also was phenomenal. Not a bad song, I even really like JEFF TWEEDY's contributions to the album. As much as I didn't want to, I did. It's not that I dislike JEFF TWEEDY, it's just that well he's gotten such a big head lately it seems. But the new smog is great. Louris, Perlman and Danny really shine on it. You can really tell they love doing this stuff, I just wish I could have seen them play.

Of course what's also made this year such a good one for music is the concerts. I've seen 6 soul asylum shows so far, likely a 7th one soon. Can't complain about that. Additionally there are more albums to look forward too. Willie Nelson just released an album that Ryan Adams produced that sounds interesting, and in December Matthew Ryan is releasing a new one. I'm also sure I've missed getting some albums I'll have to get later.

All in all, this has been an amazing year for music.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The Honeydogs - Amygdala

Poor Design
Here's a long overdue post. I have generally written about my life in here, but tonight instead I'm going to talk about product design, and how some companies need to spend a little bit of time doing interface engineering.

Tonight's example: My motorola cell phone.

This is my second motorola cell phone i've had. They are both very similar designs, and it seems that they were designed by complete morons who have never actually used a cell phone.

I'm not going to go into the menus on the phone, software interfaces are difficult to use, and almost no products do a good job there, and by definition they're complex. However the outer buttons on the phone should have a logical purpose. And they sort of do, such as allowing you to change the ringer.

That said, they're retarded. Let's say you're in a quiet place like a movie theater and realize you accidentally left your phone on. you have those easy access buttons on the side of the phone, so it shouldn't be a problem... But wait, every time you click a button on the phone it beeps at you. So you're in loud and want to silence it you end up having the phone beep at you 4 or 5 times. Sometimes you just figure the risk of the phone ringing is worth it as it likely won't, and the beeps will surely annoy people. I think technically you can do it through the software, but that requires opening up the phone and using it. Additionally the phone is bright when you do that, so that may also annoy people.

Another issue with it is similar, but related to random beeping. Well at least annoying beeps to remind you of things. If the phone rings and you choose not to answer it (or ignore it by hitting a button on the phone) the phone decides that it should beep loudly at you ever couple minutes to let you know someone called. While I kind of see why they want to let you know when someone called, let's say you're at a meeting, or somewhere where you shouldn't have had your phone on ring to begin with. The phone rings, you immediately reach into your pocket and hit a button, any button on the phone so it will stop ringing. While it annoyed a couple people briefly, it was killed, and likely didn't stop a conversation. Oh, but now the phone is going to beep every couple minutes to let you know someone had called. Granted, if you had the phone on vibrate it will only vibrate at you, but that's still annoying. I'm at the movies and put my phone on vibrate. I get a call, and now every few minutes my phone vibrates. i don't even know if someone else new has called or not, just a shake in my pants. I guess maybe some people enjoy that, and in the right situation I might, but it's generally just annoying.

Calls are also not the only thing that makes the phone randomly beep. When the battery is low, the phone feels the need to beep the same way every couple minutes to warn you. I can understand it doing it once, but continuously??? Additionally it doesn't matter what setting the phone is on. I'm at the movies and have a low battery, it will beep at me until I turn it off. Not to mention that when i turn it completely off it will make it's shutdown noise. Smart, very smart.

Who the hell designed this thing? The interface makes no sense, these are a couple of the obvious examples of behavior that no one should like, or expect out of an electronic device. I'm not even going to start on other reasons why my phones a piece of shit. I just wonder, they can afford to integrate a useless camera on the phone, and spend however much doing that stupid random crap people apparently want, but they can't make a sane interface. I know there are people who specialize in human interface design, motorola obviously doesn't use them. They must test the interface on people who never carry a phone anywhere that it shouldn't ring. You know the people who are okay talking on their phone while in line at the store. they can't even break to say a word to the cashier, just give him the card.

</rant>

phil

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: none

God Damn it Apple. . . .
Well, as most people who would bother reading this know, my laptop is officially dead. It started having issues when I was in mpls, randomly shutting itself off, and then boom it just wouldn't boot. The problem seems to be the same problem the G3 iBooks experienced where the graphics chip unseats itself from the logic board.

I called up apple, and only got a response of "you should have bought apple care". I was going to have them fix it too.. the first time a guy said that apple would repair it for ~$315 . .. . I figured I'd sleep on it, see what prices I could purchase a new logic board for online. I also wanted to bitch at customer relations about this manufacturing defect. My laptop shouldn't die after 18 months. I don't care that I didn't get the extended warranty, this is just unacceptable. Especially because many people are having the same issues I'm experiencing.

Anyhow, I decided the next day to say "fuck it, and pay apple the money to fix it", only that time apple responded to me with "uh you were given the wrong number before", upon asking what it would cost to repair they told me it would start at $750!!! What the hell is wrong with them, I don't have that kind of money to fix it. Basically I was told my laptop is a worthless piece of garbage. Fuck apple.

And a couple days go by. I'm still bitter about it, I want my fucking iBook back, but now I've come to terms with it, and am waiting for the new MacBooks to be released so I can by one. God, I'm such a sucker. I buy an apple product, 6 months out of warranty it dies, my response. . . By another apple product (this time pay them their $250 for applecare). That's fucking pathetic, but what can I say. . . I'm addicted. I love apple products.

Now I'm excited about the prospect of habing a macbook, of course that assumes they release them soon. I'm also hoping apple eventually expands the G3 logic board repair program to cover my G4. Then I can sell my iBook, and recoup some of the money I'm going to have to blow on this MacBook. So, yes this really fucking sucks, but on the plus side I will hopefully have a shiny new macbook in a month or two, it's just that the wait is the hardest part.

Anyhow, to show my pissed off nature at apple, I'm not going to buy myself a mac mini. . . .Well, at least not yet, as I won't have the money. God damn them!!!

Phil

Diversity
This is a letter I wrote to the Brown and White concerning the new diversity initiative at lehigh. I figure I might as well catalog my non-essential writings in here.

Lehigh's March For Diversity

I'm writing this in response to Lehigh's attempt to look good to their peers when it comes to diversity affairs. As a recent alumni, and one of the token hispanics who graduated from Lehigh, I feel I must speak out. This attempt from a handful of white students to do the administrations bidding is pathetic. They're probably out of breath owing to the long, strenuous march all the way from Rauch to the UC front lawn.

The whole thing strikes me as arrogant and pointless, and arranged knowing it will do absolutely nothing to attract true diversity to the school. The whole idea of needing to bend over backwards to attract diversity seems silly. One of the reasons I choose Lehigh over other schools was because they seemed interested in me as a student, rather than me as a hispanic. The whole thing is a charade everywhere, and to many schools, you end up little more than a statistic to show off to US News and World Report.

At Lehigh I never saw myself as hispanic, or white, or by any other sort of racial identity. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was an engineer. As an engineer what matters most is what you know. I never once saw any reason to think the faculty looked down on me for my race, and to them I was just another student. That was what was important to me.

I see these new demands as an affront to myself, and others like me. If anything, these new classes will just make it harder for minorities to make it through Lehigh. Many engineers already spend 5 years to earn a degree, and adding additional bullshit requirements will simply increase that number. Do you think this will help minorities (who are historically poorer) better afford to goto Lehigh? Besides, how is a class on African-American literature diverse? If you ask me it sounds like the opposite of diversity. A diverse course would teach students about a diverse group of writers. And hopefully only the best authors would be taught.

As a computer engineer I never took a course on circuit techniques designed by minorities. In fact the issue never came up because it didn't matter. Maybe my problem is that I'm narrow minded, and am not sensitive to "culture". Well that might be true, because it doesn't matter.

Didn't Martin Luther King once say "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." It seems to me that through this new diversity initiative, Lehigh has become more concerned with the color of a students skin than the content of their character.

Research and other stuff
Well, I haven't made an update in a long time. It's been a busy past few months. I've been having fun, but wishing I could just be done with classes. Especially now that I'm starting to get a research direction, and some idea as to what I'm going to do for my dissertation.

It's weird how things work. . . Last semester I felt like a nearly worthless grad student plowing along, forced to drop a course for many reasons, and barely keeping up as I worked on the journal paper (which hopefully we hear back from soon). Things seemed so slow, no real clue or direction as to where I was going. It was a difficult time for me as previously my research direction had been rather directed, knowing exactly what I was going to be doing, and where it was going. I had a plan, and I was ready. Within two or three years I'd have earned my phd, and been out. Of course that wasn't really what I wanted. I'd have been stuck where I was in the world. Stuck at Lehigh, which although I loved, I really needed an escape from. That and I was quickly growing bored of database research, and the lack of relevant courses left to take (in fact there I likely wouldn't have need any more classes).

Now of course I'm out in madison. I've changed research directions greatly, and spent so many hours this semster just reading papers. I started with a project I was going to do on designing an iDCT for the mpeg2 codec. A verilog module for it. Right now that module is almost done, but hasn't been touched in weeks. So close, but I kind of forgot about it. Of course my advisor doesn't mind as I started finding actual research to do. Research thats far more valuable than doing some silly implementation. I've grown to loathe having to do actual implementations, and instead just like to throw around ideas.

Anyhow, I had an idea one night on virtual hardware support. One thing led to another and soon I was reading 20 papers on OS support for reconfigurable hardware. Also more papers on hardware interconnect between reconfigurable hardware and general purpose processors. From there we found a research direction . . . for now mostly interconnections between the two, as the OS support is limited by how the two interface. This summer will likely involve the design of a simulator for RH.

Alright, enough about my research. It's there, and I love it, but it's not the point of this journal. Mostly just an update on where I'm going with my life. The path from here is somehow passing quals (I plan on hitting the committe with lots of my papers, as they are actually meaningful unlike my coursework etc). I also have about 2 years after this left of classes (ugh, that's really going to suck, hopefully I can find ways to cheat the system with Kati's help, as I know she doesn't want me to waste so much time on classes).

From there things get tricky. Doing the research, and going through the motions to get a PhD doesn't sound so hard. The real question is . . . Where do I go from there? Do I become a professor at a research university? Do I become a professor at a teaching university? What about a university that focuses on both? Or do I work.... Do I goto industry . . . Put the skills I'll master on my dissertation to use bettering Xilinx or Altera, possibly implementing some of my ideas. That would be really neat, and I doubt I could pass up such an oppurtunity if offered to me. The final option would be to work for a government research lab. While many possible projects are likely top secret, and possibly less exciting than the other options, it offers stability. And my life likely wouldn't be all that different from life as I know it now. Of course teaching/professoring would be another option. It's just the thought of having students under me is kind of scary. I see what my advisor has to go through... it looks highly stressful, and often degrades into begging for funding. Do I want to deal with the politics that such a job would require?

I'm not 100% sure yet what I want to do.... I guess thats why I have so much time left. Who knows maybe in 3 years I'll be ready for a change of pace. Maybe I'll have met a girl who I really like. Maybe i'll have settled down, and start living a different llife.

Anythings possible, and there's a lot of time between now and then.

phil

Current Mood: excited

an update
Well, time for a long overdue update. I'll start with my little trip to lehigh. It was a lot of fun. Got to see most everyone, and got quite a bit of work done on my last paper for lehigh. I was amazed how much got done. I mean sure the paper was written, but it went from being an acceptable paper to what I think will be an exceptional paper. It really highlights the issues that people will be facing in the next few years in the database community. I hadn't realized just how much work was needed on it, and it amazed me when I think that if I weren't a grad student right now, that paper would probably never see the light of day.

In other great news, my other hash join paper was accepted into the computing frontiers conference in Italy. I don't think I'll be presenting that one, which kind of sucks, but it's likely easier as a trip to Italy in early may would likely be hard to pull off. Also, considering it's not my current research, I think that's fair. Maybe if the new paper get's accepted to VLDB I'll get to goto korea to present that. That would totaly kick ass, although I'd be lost at the VLDB conference as I'd know so few people, and not be that interested in most of the papers.

Additionally to this news, I will be going to california at the end of the month for the FPGA conference. Kati gives all her students one freebie conference, so this should be a good experience. Plus, what can beat a free trip to california? I've never been to the left coast, so it'll be neat to see it. Also I will see some friends out there whom I haven't seen in a while.

Other side of the news (non-academic), I have a house for next year. I'll be living with Justin, Jerrod, and Onur (3 EEs) in a house. Will be a fun place next year I'm sure. Likely a new hangout place for lots of people. Aside from this, things are kinda quiet from the midwest. Quiet, and a bit too warm. Not sure what's been up with the weather this year, but not complaining too much (although there's something to be said for subzero temperatures. Now it's bed time.

Phil

Current Mood: tired

leaving behind a chapter of my life
Sometimes, It still doesn't quite seem real. I left Lehigh months ago, and yet it still seems like home to me. It's still where I go, and where many of my best friends live. I left it in august to move on, and I think I have. I really believe Wisconsin is my home, and I really love life out there. And yet in a little more than a day from now I'll be heading up to lehigh for over a week. I'll be finishing up a paper I need to get done. It doesn't quite seem real that I'll be working in 216 packard lab once more. The place that was my home for so long.

I love Lehigh to death, but I need to move on. I guess this is one final ritual of sorts. Lehigh Lafayette was one of a another type as well. This visit will be long, I feel bad having to sleep on steve's couch for so long, maybe I'll crash elsewhere a couple nights to make his life easier. I really haven't arranged the details yet. I just know the day I'll get there, and the day I leave there. I'm hoping to see everyone, and hoping to convince others to drive out to see me. It might work. It just seems so unreal to be heading back there. To be working on my old research. I am ready to work on my new research, but I guess I need to close this work off completely. It needs to be done, and it's not.

Back in Madison I'll be starting on new work. and that is really exciting to me. I feel like this last semester has been a waste of sorts. I feel like I let myself down. The paper I wrote was good, but I felt like I was being dragged along by my advisor and that I wasn't performing up to snuff. I want to change thing, I want my research to be top notch this upcoming semester. Maybe things will be easier when it comes to actual implementation etc. I know I can do it I just need to force myself onward. The whole motivation problem. I know I can do it, so I will. Something like that. Here's to a new year where things get done. A new year and yes, in many ways a new begining. Once I return to madison I'll close off a chapter of my life for real. It's time to move on, so I'll finish off this awful entry with some petty.

Tom Petty - TIME TO MOVE ON
It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it' s time to get going

Broken skyline, movin' through the airport
She's an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector

Broken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do, I go

It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning, and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenaline
Like breakin' up a dog fight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind

It's time to move on, time to get going
Wh at lies ahead I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Ryan Adams

cold or hot ... or what?
Alright, I really don't want to use my journal here to bitch, but dammit, it's 6:30 and I'm awake because my apartments 80 fucking degrees. I'm sweating in my bed, and yet it's 1 degree outside. This is fucking annoying. This evening I was frozen, I was walking around in multiple layers with maybe a quarter inch of my face visible because it was that cold. 0 degrees is not a fun temperature. It's a frigid one. However 80 degrees in my apartment is miserable. I can't take it. I love the winter because usually it's easy to keep your room at a nice cool temperature. I don't lie in bed sweating, and my computers are happy. Sure you wake up in a 64 degree room and it's a little cold, and you can't wait to take a nice warm shower, but I can deal with that. Hell I could set my thermostat to go up to 70 for an hour in the morning. What I have here is just retarded.

First my thermostat is set at 65 degrees. And my thermostat does work. My temperature is always greater than or equal to what I set the thermostat at. Always, and sometimes it will be at exactly what it's set at. What happens (this is my best guess) is that my heating is on the same whatever as the girl who lives below me. She gets in and puts her heat on. My room being above hers, and with 3 or 4 computers gets warmer. My heat only is on when hers is, but heating her room to 73 or whatever she puts it at (I'm guessing it must be pretty high as mines reaching 80) makes my room an inferno. I can't sleep in here at night. I'm tempted to completely switch to an inverted sleep schedule because I can't sleep when my room is this warm. This is worse than the summer, and it's 0 degrees outside.

To make things worse this forces me to open my windows somewhat. Now that is the most retarded thing I can imagine. Hey, why don't I set my wallet on fire while I'm at it. It's an equally good waste of money.

Sorry for the ranting, I'm just doing this until the nyquil i took takes hold. Maybe then I'll actually sleep. And yes, I do owe this journal an update, and promise that yes I will actually do it sometime in the next few weeks.

phil

Current Mood: hot
Current Music: the cars passing by because my windows open

Returning
Well, I bought a plane ticket today to go visit lehigh for Le/Laf. I'm excited... I mean I love it up here in WI, but Lehigh has been home for so long. I can't believe it's already november. I've been loving this place, and yet . . . I miss it all. It's amazing how much Lehigh makes me think of home. I guess I lived almost a quarter of my life there, and they were the happiest years I have ever known. I've met friends I'll never forget.

That being said, life up until then is going to be hell. So much work to do. Have to design a processor for my VLSI course, and that's just killing me. So much time is spent on the details. It happens though. It's bad because it's due the friday I'll arrive at Lehigh. I leave rockford IL at 7am ... leaving there because I could save $70 on plane tickets. Which means leaving my apartment around 4:30 as it's about an hour and a half drive. Not sure if i'll be checking any luggage, although it's tempting to bring a bag who's only purpose is to bring home the beautiful nectar of the gods called yuengling lager. I've missed that stuff.

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: none amazingly

the madtown police
First, let me start out by saying two things... First, I generally side with the police. . . I generally accept that they may occasionally get out of hand. Secondly let me say this, I don't really know exactly what happened. I was sober enough, but I was not directly there.

Here's what I do know. . . It's 2:15 and I'm getting ready to leave the bar as it's closing down. People are filing out, and I'm being told to leave, but am staying behind because I was waiting up for 2 girls I kind of knew and I wanted to make sure they got home safe. I am standing by the doorway as people file out when all of a sudden people come rushing through the doorway.

At first I wasn't sure what was going on, but had a suspicion pepper spray was involved from what I had heard about previous halloweens in madtown. So we end up filing out the backdoor. Not a big fucking deal. Out there I found my friends, and we start walking back. Now, we're in the alley a block away from state street . . . We had to cover our faces to breathe out there. I'm still coughing from some of the spray in the air.

I don't know what happened. I don't know why the cops errupted in horror. What I do know is that up until recently the streets were peaceful. They were jam packed with people, and many of them were drunk, but that is legal. Come closing time when every bar in the city throws everyone out, what do they expect? One could hardly walk down the street the way it was. Now lets add a barrage of mounted cops, and the outflux of a ton of bars. Oh, there's nowhere to move? Oh the cops are yelling at people to move... What the fuck do you think is going to happen? People get disorderly. People get mad. People get separated from friends, and PISSED!!!

I was hardly affected by what happened. Thankfully I didn't leave the bar when I was told to, and instead insisted on waiting for alexis. thank god I did. Had I been outside when the cops sprayed pepper spray there's a good chance I'd be sitting in jail right now. I don't respond well to shit like that, and while I probably wouldn't be violent, I'd speak back, and give the cops a piece of my mind. I'd be pissed as hell!

Now I'm back in my apartment, I"m fine, just sneezing a bit from the pepper spray that's still in my nose. I hardly breathed it. I was only walking through a back alley over a block from where whatever problems occured were.

I don't know what happened on the streets to evoke the response that was given. I don't know what happened. I do know many innocent people were unduly hurt by this incident. What was accomplished? Was someones ego boosted by the event? Did someont feel better because they caught that underage drinker at the expense of hundreds of innocent bystanders?

What do people expect? Pepper spray, while non-lethal is not fun. It does not work in effecting only the person being sprayed. It's a form of crowd control. But crowdy control does not need to involve force! Why the hell do they need pepper spray to get people out of bars in a decent form.

Hearing about how much larger a presence of police there was this year, and how fewer people were out, I'd think things would go better. Some cops ego must've been bruised. Some drunk asshole probably called him a name. He responded, the crowd of drunken people responded back, and next thing you know "non-lethal" force is being used... Non-lethal force that effects thousands of people who don't even know what's going on.

Of course the given scenario has no reality, I have no idea what happened, I'll comment when the news reports it. What I know is I'm still feeling it almost 2 hours later. And what did I do? Oh right, I stayed at the bar until closing time because I didn't want my friends to go home with random tools. Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have left earlier, before the cops decided it was time to take out their short penis syndrome on everyone involved.

While I always supported them in the past, now I see why people hate them. All it takes is one bad apple to give them all a bad name.

Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: The Beatles - Let it be

an update
Once in a blue moon I decide to update this thing i guess. I've been busy up here for a while now, and loving it. Madison is a new and exciting area.

This past week was quite busy. Probably my busiest yet, finally getting into the swing of things. I need to focus more. More importantly I need the motivation. Something beyond "I love it".

Getting a PhD is one of the hardest things I've ever gone for. I never realized the work and dedication behind it, and how much time we waste! I love the work I do, and I really love the life of a student. I have my own hours, my own agenda, and my freedom.

Research is exciting. I want to do it, and I've learned a lot from reading tons of papers. Seems to be all I've done for my research is read paper after paper . . . Oh wait, that is all I've done. Not to sound upset, it is quite necesary. I'm in the midst of a literature review, and starting on a survey paper on reconfigurable hardware in embedded systems.

I'm also taking a class on VLSI design and advanced computer architecture. I'm learning a lot in each class, just lots of work. I've also been meeting lots of cool people up here. My labmates are great (especially the "bad row" in the back). I think we screw around more than my lab at lehigh, and I didn't know that was humanly possibly.

I've also been getting to see lots of concerts (although thats for another day). All in all, I can't complain. Madison is a wonderful place, and I would reccomend it to everyone. The winters are amazing from what I've heard . . .

and in that, that's enough of an update for tonight.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Dave Pirner - Artificial Heart from the Nyes show

ICDE conference
Well shit,
For the second time my hash join paper has been rejected. I mean granted it was submitted to a competitive conference (ICDE this time and VLDB previously), but I thought it was a really good paper. I spent way too long working on it to not see it get into anywhere. The problem now is what do we do with it now? Part of the problem (well the primary part) was that the work wasn't that new and inventive. It took a work that had been done, redid it and showed vastly different results. I guess most people don't care about that? I thought it was important work, and it was a stepping stone for my later work. What I don't understand is how my paper for the DaMoN workshop whens best in while this paper has gotten rejected twice. The problem is where do we go?

I don't have time to redo much of this paper, and don't want to spend it. I wanted to write this research off as done. Forgotten about, final. I have new research now. However at the same time I want to see the work I did before be worth something. That was a year of my life spent on the hash join papers. I think many important issues were brought up by them, but others dont? I'm not really sure. Do we now just submit this to a smaller conference? I just want it out there and over. I hate this submitting and waiting 3 months to find out whether it got accepted. Seems so slow. Maybe we should have submitted it to multiple conferences at once?

I just wish I had a better idea of what to do now. I'm done with my goddamned thesis, I want to be done with my database research. I'm not working on reconfigurable hardware. I just wish I were doing real work with it and not just the survey paper. I'm tired of writing, although I know its needed. I just wish . . . I don't know what I wish. I think sometime in the next week or two I'll write up my "new" lehigh research submit it to korth etc. I just don't want it looming over me. What was I doing for the past 3 weeks? Time to just buckle down and get htings done, and not let these setbacks get me down.

On the plus side I'm an excellent research university, I'm meeting great people out here, and I'm taking some enjoyable classes (all two of them). Madison is also a wonderful city. It's beautiful out here, and more ... hmm open? than lehigh was. It's also different walking around town and not seeing the sketchy townies etc. Also many great concerts coming up (either in madison, milwaukee or mpls). Should be some great times. For now I guess I'm going to think more about these papers, or read for class and be productive.

Current Mood: disappointed

reflecting on the future?
I know I've been in Madison for a week and a half now, but I think a part of me is still at Lehigh. Technically I left Lehigh 2 weeks ago, its weird to think that. What really sinks in the fact that I'm no longer a Lehigh student isn't the fact that I've registered for classes here, or that I live here, or that I will shortly start my research here. What pushes in the feeling is knowing that tomorrow Lehigh will have its first day of classes for the 2005/2006 school year.

This will be the first time in half a decade that I'm not starting classes. It's hard to believe that for the last 5 years I lived there. Five years of my life were dedicated to Lehigh. I still love that place, and will call it home for many years to come. I stand now looking upon them with love, I loved my time there, but its now my time to do something new.

There's more to me than what I was at Lehigh. There's more research that I can accomplish than I did there. My destiny awaits me. So many talented minds are up here, I hope I can compete. I feel small, but I know that when I put my mind into something I can get it done. Hell I spent how long working on my thesis? In reality most of the time was spent doing nothing. Those 2 nights spent in lab did more for it.... although I can't discount the time the previous summer and in january (or whenever it was) that I spent writing the 2 papers for my research. Those defined most of my thesis.

What I have in Wisconsin is a new begining. I think I'm prepared for it. I'm still not ready to leave all my friends, but I have, and knew I must. May I some day make it. For now I'll make my goals simple... More papers, and to passing quals. Quals worry me far more than the research does. I can do research... It's those fourier transforms I don't know how to do.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Frank Zappa

im in madison
well,
I haven't posted here in a while, I've been meaning to. The stuff I have to say is mostly stuf people know. I'm now living up in Madison. I arrived here last Thursday. Its been an interesting couple of days too. Its weird living up here by myself, but kind of fun. I've been setting up my apartment, and in spite of the ridiculous amounts of money I've spent getting things set up (buying tons of household goods, a bed, a TV, etc) I've been enjoying it. Its a place that really is my own. Tomorrow I'll have a bed up here too.

Orientation also starts shortly which will be good. Hopefully I'll meet people then and not be so alone. I went to the bar a couple times this past weekend by myself. Thats an interesting experience by yourself. I talked to some people there, but didn't really meet anyone that way. Dunno once I'm introduced to people I have no problem, its just that initial step thats rough for me. I've always been like that, although I'm getting better.

Also on awesome news, I'm going to go see the bottlerockets on friday. How lucky am I, they're playing downtown Madison!!! I'm really begining to like this city as a whole. Its such a nice place. The roads actually flow, the people seem friendly, and you don't have the sketchy divide between city and campus that bethlehem is well known for. I just need to get a bike. Then I can bike around this place.

I'm sure I have more to post. There were interesting happenings before I left, and I guess I haven't talked about the party yet (which was a blast). Possibly at some point I'll fill people in. Sorry this post kinda jumps around, its 2am, I'm tired, and kind of having a stream of consciousness moment.

Phil

ps. for anyone interested my thesis can be viewed at http://www.cse.lehigh.edu/~pcg2/thesis.pdf

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Blues Brothers movie (the original)

the end of an era
My tenure at lehigh is quickly coming to an end. Its hard to believe I'm only going to be here 3 more weeks or something like that. Where has the time gone? I can't believe 5 years flew by so fast. Seems like only yesterday I was starting out here. So much has been learned and done in this time period, and yet it seems like its been so little.

Of course not everything here has been good. I've met wonderful people, had wonderful days, and had my share of disaster. Its easy to understand in retrospect. This year I became a bit more open to the world, and I feel its been successful. I've been somewhat more daring, and feel like its paid off. Now I lie here pondering my move. A brand new world full of new possibilities. New research, new friends, a whole new life. Thats whats scary.

Abandoning lehigh is needed, i can no longer stay here and I know it, but I'm going to miss the people. The familiarity. I decided I'm going to have a going away party in a couple weeks (Aug 6th potentially) and its scary thinking how many people I know. I'm looking at who will likely be there and its quite a varied group. I figure anyone who wants can come, but it'll be quite a mix of people. so many separate groups. I guess I made my mark here, hopefully I make a better one up in wi. Anyhow, enough of this rambling.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Vic Chessnut

Some great lyrics
I normally don't do this in here as its not the proper place, but I was listening to a bottle rockets concert today and they have a new song called SUV that is just amazing. The song speaks for itself and just makes fun of so many people out there.

SUVs
The Bottle Rockets

Now SUVs haul groceries
While kids in the back watch DVDs
on built in-
flat screen tvs
SUV

SUVs stand tough and tall
on the parking lot and the shopping malls
so many you can't count them all
SUVs

4-wheel drive
so you can survive the snow
if only you could figure out
how to get it in 4 wheel low
SUV

SUVs such a luxury
purchased just like jewelry
flaunt your waypoint
a to b
SUV

SUVs drink gasoline
the atmosphere is their latrine
don't go offroad
must stay clean

4-wheel drive
so you can survive the snow
if only you could figure out
how to get it in 4 wheel low
SUV

4-wheel drive
so you'd survive the snow
if only you could figure out
how to get it in 4 wheel low
SUV

SUV
SUV

Current Mood: nerdy
Current Music: The Bottle Rockets - live at twangfest 2005

Barely a month remains
wow,
I realized now that I'm almost down to the one month mark. I'll be moving. I'll be leaving Bethlehem behind. Its not that I don't want to move to wisconsin. Its not that i don't want to have everything new. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to take on new research, do something new. I need it as I've been stagnating lately. It's just I'm going to miss the people I know here. The people more than anything. I love this place, but I'm sure I'll grow to love wisconsin. It will be weird. I'll still be able to talk to everyone here, and enough of my friends I don't see often anyhow due to them having jobs or working or some sillly thing. Not sure how I'll handle that. Moving to PA from florida was no big stretch. I had a couple close friends in florida .. . but here I know so many people. Theres a handful who are really close, more that are friends, more that are acquantances, more that I talk to, and yet more who know me but I have no idea who the hell they are. Hmm; who knows. I just figured I'd post something. Its been too long. I'll miss the comfort I know here.

Phil

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Replacements: Waitress In The Sky

Closer To The Stars
This is an entry I've been dreading to make, and hoped would never come. I found out Friday that Karl Mueller of Soul Asylum has passed away due to complications of throat cancer. It is a sad day for me, Karl's friends and family, and the rock community as a whole.

While rock stars die on a regular basis normally its the wild and crazy ones. Not the bassist who stands in the corner with a smile on his face. Normally its the rock star who burns out or just can't take it. the ones you don't want to associate with. Everyone who's mentioned Karl always says what a nice guy he was. He cared for others so much, and gave so much back to the music community. He was far too young to pass away.

As a major Soul Asylum fan this news hits me hard. I remember talking to Karl a handful of times, and he was always a nice down to earth guy. Easy to sit back with and shoot the shit. It's all but understood that Soul Asylum will call it quits after this. Release their final album and no onto new things. They will surely be missed. They have made incredible music, and have had an enormous impact on my life and the lives of many others.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: none

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